Tuesday, September 20, 2011


I am, what some would call, a picky eater. I prefer the title, simplistic eater. If I can't spell it, pronounce it or grow it in my back yard, chances are I will shy away from it. For example, a week or two ago some neighbors were sitting around a bonfire and a couple detailed one of their latest meals that they uberly enjoyed. I looked at Shawn and was like, "I have no idea what the hell any of that stuff they just rattled off is." Now, I have gotten better, thanks to my adventurous husband and said pushy neighbors, but I stick to my guns whenever I can or am allowed to or won't be stoned for it.

For me, it's a texture thing. Be warned, I will gag if you try and make me chew through an oyster. Which, by the way, is a giant, thick, snail of a food. Texture or not, I don't know how anyone eats those things! I also refuse tomatoes, pineapple, asparagus (or asspergrass – right, Beaner?), all seafood and mushrooms. Mushrooms which, according to my late-the-great Dad, are cultivated on horse shit and I couldn't agree more! Slimy, tasteless, sponges that they are! Brace yourself, I also don't like apple pie or apple crisp. It makes my innards turn just thinking about trying to chew a warm apple. Bleh. It's all in the texture. If it takes more then a couple good bites to break something down, it wasn't meant to be broken down. If it starts to string apart in your mouth, it's best to spit it out. If it can look at you from your plate, throw it back in the ocean!

Thinking about it more, it's also a bit of a smell thing. Like Chinese food? If I can't stand the smell, why on earth would I go through with eating it? Or frozen dinners like Lean Cuisine? They all have the same smell. Seriously. I think it's the waft of salt in my opinion. Or let's consider seafood again. Fish stink. Period. Shawn and the men in his family head north to Canada every year to go fishing and not one person likes to eat fish, except Shawn. This means at any given time, we have an exuberant amount of Canadian fish in our freezer. Then when he decides to cook it, we're guaranteed not to have any guests for days because the sheer smell of our house after the fish fry deters even the relentless of solicitors (ie Custom Remodelers). Much better then our "No Soliciting" sign does I might add.

I often times find myself wondering what the big deal is with the way I eat? Why should I be made to feel bad? Why should I have to put big icky tomatoes in chili for everyone else just so I have to pick them all back out again? Why can't I go to Subway and simply request some meat and cheese? Why can't I go to Taco Bell and get three soft shell tacos with no lettuce? Why can't my favorite meal to order be grilled cheese and fries? Aside from the fact that I could use a little more greenery in my diet, I am happy with the way I eat. I enjoy eating with my Iowan brother Ty or long lost friend Jordan or my ex-coworker Steve because we eat alike. The other day at work, when I wasn't the only one picking the unknowns out of the sautéed noodles we were having, I found myself longing for a friend that eats like me again. Until I find that someone, consider the search on!


  1. Oh how I love asspergrass!!! I would order grilled cheese anywhere with you!!! I do have a texture issue also but somethings are just too good like SUSHI!!!

  2. **single tear**

    "Long lost friend Jordan" says YOU CAN go to Subway and order meat and cheese.

    You can go to Taco Bell (gross) and order plain tacos.

    You can order chinese food: sweet and sour chicken, and hold the sweet and sour!

    You can order pizza and put canadian bacon on it! We'll eat it together!

    Hell, you can order pizza and put macaroni and cheese on it!

    And dammit you can put peanut butter on your sandwiches and cut them in fours!

    Power to the Picky!

  3. Sheena :: Our next date will involve grilled cheese and fries and maybe a bag of Chex Mix, split the old way. :)

  4. Jordan :: Our next date will involve canadian bacon pizza from the OP!



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