Sunday, January 31, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Insomnia
"Hi. My name is Kali and I'm an insomniac."
[All] "Hi, Kali."
My point? I feel like there should be a support group for sufferers of insomnia, even if it's just online. At least commiserating at o-dark-thirty in the morning could be common. Maybe there already is and I just don't know about it. If so, do tell!
I have been an insomnia sufferer since I think high school. My battles come in waves. For about two months each stint, I exist on little to no sleep. Sometimes it pops up for no reason at all, sometimes a very stressful situation occurs and I can't shut my mind off, or sometimes it creeps up on me if something has been lurking or building in my mind. Despite the reason, insomnia sucks.
I have read and tried everything. Twice. For my last battle, just this past summer, I became a huge fan of Ambien. Say what you will about prescription medicine, I don't care. I throw all of that out the window for two things: migraines and insomnia. Now keep in mind, my dose was only 5mg and at the end of my battle I was down to cutting the tiny pill in half, so really, I'm sure it was part prescription, part placebo. Doesn't matter. By week six of no sleep for someone who is not a nice, functioning person without sleep, it was worth it.
Despite all my complaining, cynicism and down right bitching, I do admit, there are a few pros to having suffered (and recovered) from insomnia.
First: You realize you CAN survive without sleep. Your world will not end. It may be fuzzy, it may be melodramatic and you may not remember a lot of it (luckily), but life does forge on.
Two: If you have the where-with-all to give up trying to sleep when you know you're not going to be able to, you can be quite productive with all the free time on your hands. I would deter you from trying to do anything too physical or that requires lots of standing. I nearly planted my face on the floor from fainting when I decided to clean out the fridge.
Three: You can read a lot of books. All the Harry Potters.
Four: You're forced to take a long, hard look at what's muddling in your brain and decide whether or not you want to do anything about it. You're also forced to exercise. If you can't shut off your mind, you can wear the hell out of your body.
Five: For me, I realized what a fine, noble, caring human being I share my house with. In the moment, sure, I hated Shawn. He would fall asleep and be twitching and snoring by the time I was done brushing my teeth. But in hindsight… There were nights I would watch almost an entire season of Friends and he didn't bark once that the TV was still on. There were entire nights he didn't mind the lights being so I could read. There were nights he listened to me swear and sob in the same breath. One night, he read to me, aloud, while I sobbed… until… I fell asleep.
You may think I'm battling now because I'm up late blogging. I'm actually not. I'm sleeping like a baby. Just last night I put down my Harry Potter book (#3) and curled up into the nook of Shawn's chest and thought: "I wonder what I should try and think about so I'll fall asleep?" Then my alarm went off. :)
[All] "Hi, Kali."
My point? I feel like there should be a support group for sufferers of insomnia, even if it's just online. At least commiserating at o-dark-thirty in the morning could be common. Maybe there already is and I just don't know about it. If so, do tell!
I have been an insomnia sufferer since I think high school. My battles come in waves. For about two months each stint, I exist on little to no sleep. Sometimes it pops up for no reason at all, sometimes a very stressful situation occurs and I can't shut my mind off, or sometimes it creeps up on me if something has been lurking or building in my mind. Despite the reason, insomnia sucks.
I have read and tried everything. Twice. For my last battle, just this past summer, I became a huge fan of Ambien. Say what you will about prescription medicine, I don't care. I throw all of that out the window for two things: migraines and insomnia. Now keep in mind, my dose was only 5mg and at the end of my battle I was down to cutting the tiny pill in half, so really, I'm sure it was part prescription, part placebo. Doesn't matter. By week six of no sleep for someone who is not a nice, functioning person without sleep, it was worth it.
Despite all my complaining, cynicism and down right bitching, I do admit, there are a few pros to having suffered (and recovered) from insomnia.
First: You realize you CAN survive without sleep. Your world will not end. It may be fuzzy, it may be melodramatic and you may not remember a lot of it (luckily), but life does forge on.
Two: If you have the where-with-all to give up trying to sleep when you know you're not going to be able to, you can be quite productive with all the free time on your hands. I would deter you from trying to do anything too physical or that requires lots of standing. I nearly planted my face on the floor from fainting when I decided to clean out the fridge.
Three: You can read a lot of books. All the Harry Potters.
Four: You're forced to take a long, hard look at what's muddling in your brain and decide whether or not you want to do anything about it. You're also forced to exercise. If you can't shut off your mind, you can wear the hell out of your body.
Five: For me, I realized what a fine, noble, caring human being I share my house with. In the moment, sure, I hated Shawn. He would fall asleep and be twitching and snoring by the time I was done brushing my teeth. But in hindsight… There were nights I would watch almost an entire season of Friends and he didn't bark once that the TV was still on. There were entire nights he didn't mind the lights being so I could read. There were nights he listened to me swear and sob in the same breath. One night, he read to me, aloud, while I sobbed… until… I fell asleep.
You may think I'm battling now because I'm up late blogging. I'm actually not. I'm sleeping like a baby. Just last night I put down my Harry Potter book (#3) and curled up into the nook of Shawn's chest and thought: "I wonder what I should try and think about so I'll fall asleep?" Then my alarm went off. :)
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Perspective
I ran for over 40 minutes tonight. I distanced over 3 miles. I burned just over 300 calories. Every part of me below my belly button hurts. I can't feel my legs, ankles or feet. Every step I take feels like it could be my last before I'm a pile of goo on the floor. I can undo all that in 2 minutes. I can eat 2.25 double-stuffed Oreos.
But then I'd feel like this:
And that's getting really, really old. So, tonight I skipped dessert. I'm drinking water as we speak. Lord help me.
But then I'd feel like this:
And that's getting really, really old. So, tonight I skipped dessert. I'm drinking water as we speak. Lord help me.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Irony
So I'm in the shower this morning and my mind starts to wander, as it usually does. First place my mind goes: my screaming quadriceps. Per one of my resolutions, I've joined a gym and went running last night. Therefore, I've engaged (and angered) many, many, many, many, many muscles. IRONICALLY, my lower back is feeling like that of an in-shape, stellar, 18-year-old. I constantly have lower back back. I wake up with it, walk with it and put it back to bed again at the end of the night. Sucks. The irony is when I kill the rest of my body exercising, I relieve my most nagging ache.
Second place my mind goes: the act of showering itself. Some people take a shower at night to help them relax for bed time. IRONICALLY, others, myself included, take a shower in the morning to wake up and get ready for the day. See where I'm going with this? I just thought it was an interesting observation. Simple, but interesting. The same act that calms you at night to sleep, wakes you up from sleep in the morning.
Third place my mind goes: my face. Or, more specifically my eyes. Every morning (and every night) I wash my face and never seem to get all the mascara off of my eyes. I step out of the shower, which faces the mirror, and it looks as if a raccoon is staring back at me. It turns out I bought waterproof mascara by mistake last time (which reminds me of another resolution regarding reading labels before I purchase) so it helps it stay on but IRONICALLY (and irritatingly), I cannot get it off! Sometimes, so much so that I don't even need to reapply the next day! I mean this stuff is industrial. It's like tar.
Maybe it's because I'm still half asleep, maybe it's because I'm so relaxed or maybe it's because I have nothing else to listen to but my own thoughts. Whatever it is, I seem to do some heavy, albeit boring, thinking in the shower. In fact, I'm sure I thought of more but just didn't write it down. I find my short-term memory to be somewhat illusive these days. IRONICALLY, I can tell you exactly what I was wearing and doing May 21, 2005.
Second place my mind goes: the act of showering itself. Some people take a shower at night to help them relax for bed time. IRONICALLY, others, myself included, take a shower in the morning to wake up and get ready for the day. See where I'm going with this? I just thought it was an interesting observation. Simple, but interesting. The same act that calms you at night to sleep, wakes you up from sleep in the morning.
Third place my mind goes: my face. Or, more specifically my eyes. Every morning (and every night) I wash my face and never seem to get all the mascara off of my eyes. I step out of the shower, which faces the mirror, and it looks as if a raccoon is staring back at me. It turns out I bought waterproof mascara by mistake last time (which reminds me of another resolution regarding reading labels before I purchase) so it helps it stay on but IRONICALLY (and irritatingly), I cannot get it off! Sometimes, so much so that I don't even need to reapply the next day! I mean this stuff is industrial. It's like tar.
Maybe it's because I'm still half asleep, maybe it's because I'm so relaxed or maybe it's because I have nothing else to listen to but my own thoughts. Whatever it is, I seem to do some heavy, albeit boring, thinking in the shower. In fact, I'm sure I thought of more but just didn't write it down. I find my short-term memory to be somewhat illusive these days. IRONICALLY, I can tell you exactly what I was wearing and doing May 21, 2005.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Two Thumbs Up
Okay… so we're not Siskel and Ebert, but Shawn and I do see a lot of movies, especially over the holidays. This past holiday was no exception. I lost track of our tally but I'm sure we're up to at least a dozen in the last month.
In seeing so many, I've come to realize movies that don't end the way you want or expect them to, end up making some of the best movies. Understanding that one of the reasons many people go to movies is to be entertained, one would think they want to see something very unlike their real lives. Who wants to see a movie in keeping with their day-to-day routine? The point of movies is to get away, experience a foreign landscape, jump into someone else's imagination, reach your inner child, be amazed by special effects or witness an extremely smart and clever conversation or the development of a relationship.
One of my favorite movies thus far this year proves that theory wrong. Up in the Air is one of those movies. It's not a happy-go-lucky movie. It doesn't have a "…and they lived happily ever after" ending. It doesn't even have any CGI or stunts. In fact, in hearing the plot of the movie, you go in wondering: "How can this movie be any good?" It's about a character who travels nearly every day of his life because companies hire him to fire their employees. That's his job. To fire complete strangers, live by himself, travel by plane to places like Idaho and stay in a chain of hotels. Boring right?
Wrong. We loved the movie. Could be the beginning is filled with OCD happiness. Could be the witty dialogue. Could be the smart, developing plot. Could be the fact that layoffs are very relevant right now. Could even just be that it stars George Clooney (more so for myself then Shawn). Whatever it is, it equals a great movie that doesn't take you to a foreign landscape, you don't jump into someone else's imagination, it really isn't suitable for children and there are zero special effects. It doesn't need any of that. In fact, I think the absence of what people go to the movies for is what makes this movie great. It's what makes My Best Friend's Wedding great. It's what makes Juno great. They're movies that really could happen to you but it's spun in such a way you're entertained by it.
Some of the other movies we've seen:
Leap Year - Cute, typical, chick flick with a cute, Irish, bearded man.
The Blind Side - The fact that it was based on a true, current story makes it all the more worthwhile to see. Above inspiring.
Full Moon - Shawn thought it was okay although he doesn't like to admit he's seen it.
Avatar - AMAZING. You can't watch this movie at home. You HAVE to see it in the theatre, in 3D and even better yet, at an IMAX theatre. Even if you don't like sci-fi movies, GO NOW.
Sherlock Holmes - Great and funny and wonderful cinematography.
The Hangover - You will feel dumber after watching it but it's the funniest, stupid movie we've seen in a long time.
Public Enemies - Please don't waste your time. And I love Johnny Depp.
Julie and Julia - Very cute, very entertaining, very inspiring for us bloggers.
Chocolat - Okay this movie isn't new but I read the book this summer and had never seen the movie. I can't believe it took me so long to watch it. Seriously. Johhny Depp redemption!
State of Play - Russell Crowe looks a little unkempt but it's a good movie with a twisting plot. Worth watching.
Inglourious Basterds - Granted I had never seen a Quentin Tarantino movie before so I didn't know what I was getting myself in to, however, this movie was awful. I'm not one for gore so I didn't see 25% of the movie. I'm not a sissy; Shawn didn't like it either. Had it not been for Brad Pitt's pronunciation of "Natzies," there would have been nothing worth watching.
In seeing so many, I've come to realize movies that don't end the way you want or expect them to, end up making some of the best movies. Understanding that one of the reasons many people go to movies is to be entertained, one would think they want to see something very unlike their real lives. Who wants to see a movie in keeping with their day-to-day routine? The point of movies is to get away, experience a foreign landscape, jump into someone else's imagination, reach your inner child, be amazed by special effects or witness an extremely smart and clever conversation or the development of a relationship.
One of my favorite movies thus far this year proves that theory wrong. Up in the Air is one of those movies. It's not a happy-go-lucky movie. It doesn't have a "…and they lived happily ever after" ending. It doesn't even have any CGI or stunts. In fact, in hearing the plot of the movie, you go in wondering: "How can this movie be any good?" It's about a character who travels nearly every day of his life because companies hire him to fire their employees. That's his job. To fire complete strangers, live by himself, travel by plane to places like Idaho and stay in a chain of hotels. Boring right?
Wrong. We loved the movie. Could be the beginning is filled with OCD happiness. Could be the witty dialogue. Could be the smart, developing plot. Could be the fact that layoffs are very relevant right now. Could even just be that it stars George Clooney (more so for myself then Shawn). Whatever it is, it equals a great movie that doesn't take you to a foreign landscape, you don't jump into someone else's imagination, it really isn't suitable for children and there are zero special effects. It doesn't need any of that. In fact, I think the absence of what people go to the movies for is what makes this movie great. It's what makes My Best Friend's Wedding great. It's what makes Juno great. They're movies that really could happen to you but it's spun in such a way you're entertained by it.Some of the other movies we've seen:
Leap Year - Cute, typical, chick flick with a cute, Irish, bearded man.
The Blind Side - The fact that it was based on a true, current story makes it all the more worthwhile to see. Above inspiring.
Full Moon - Shawn thought it was okay although he doesn't like to admit he's seen it.
Avatar - AMAZING. You can't watch this movie at home. You HAVE to see it in the theatre, in 3D and even better yet, at an IMAX theatre. Even if you don't like sci-fi movies, GO NOW.
Sherlock Holmes - Great and funny and wonderful cinematography.
The Hangover - You will feel dumber after watching it but it's the funniest, stupid movie we've seen in a long time.
Public Enemies - Please don't waste your time. And I love Johnny Depp.
Julie and Julia - Very cute, very entertaining, very inspiring for us bloggers.
Chocolat - Okay this movie isn't new but I read the book this summer and had never seen the movie. I can't believe it took me so long to watch it. Seriously. Johhny Depp redemption!
State of Play - Russell Crowe looks a little unkempt but it's a good movie with a twisting plot. Worth watching.
Inglourious Basterds - Granted I had never seen a Quentin Tarantino movie before so I didn't know what I was getting myself in to, however, this movie was awful. I'm not one for gore so I didn't see 25% of the movie. I'm not a sissy; Shawn didn't like it either. Had it not been for Brad Pitt's pronunciation of "Natzies," there would have been nothing worth watching.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
Hibernation Justification
This morning as I pulled the Camry out of the garage, the temperature gauge on the dashboard read -9º. Neg-a-tive nine degrees. Seriously. Here's when I plead my case for the life of the bear. The following are reasons I'd prefer to skip winter, stay inside my plastic-covered windows and just hunker down 'til it all thaws.
1. The hair in my nose freezes the minute I step outside, I lose the capacity to move my mouth and my coat makes that funny crinkling noise.
2. Breathing in causes a coughing attack.
3. The playing field is leveled between young and old when it comes to the possibility of falling down and not being able to get back up.
4. I have a north-facing house and therefore will have two packed paths of ice and snow covering my driveway until summer.
5. I have to cover everything but the whites of my eyes in order to take Norman for a walk.
6. During that walk I have to stop intermittently to warm up and rub off Norman's paws so he'll put them back down and continue walking.
7. The said walk results in Norman sitting in front of the heater for an hour sucking up what precious warmth might be coming out.
8. There is no place to put my garbage and recycling containers at the end of the driveway therefore increasing the chances I'll back into something else this winter.
9. My appendages tingle for an hour when I come back inside.
10. I don't have a garage-door-opener or a remote-start for either car.
11. It's too cold to run outside therefore I don't exercise therefore I need to buy new pants that I can't afford.
12. Shawn takes a shower just to stand in the hot water. Literally money down the drain.
13. It's too cold to get out of bed in the morning so it's physically painful to get up and go to work.
14. I can't go outside with a wet head so I'm forced to do something with my mane.
15. The Camry, not the Beretta, took two tries to start tonight.
16. I have to wipe off Norman's feet and belly every time he thinks he needs to go to the bathroom.
17. The low air pressure light on the Camry's dashboard won't turn off because it can't live with the tires being near 30.
18. We don't have a snow blower. I heart shoveling.
19. We have to put salt on our sidewalk or the mailman stops delivering mail and starts leaving warnings.
20. You know the expression… cuttin' glass?
What my neighbors patio door looks like after the weather this week.
1. The hair in my nose freezes the minute I step outside, I lose the capacity to move my mouth and my coat makes that funny crinkling noise.
2. Breathing in causes a coughing attack.
3. The playing field is leveled between young and old when it comes to the possibility of falling down and not being able to get back up.
4. I have a north-facing house and therefore will have two packed paths of ice and snow covering my driveway until summer.
5. I have to cover everything but the whites of my eyes in order to take Norman for a walk.
6. During that walk I have to stop intermittently to warm up and rub off Norman's paws so he'll put them back down and continue walking.
7. The said walk results in Norman sitting in front of the heater for an hour sucking up what precious warmth might be coming out.
8. There is no place to put my garbage and recycling containers at the end of the driveway therefore increasing the chances I'll back into something else this winter.
9. My appendages tingle for an hour when I come back inside.
10. I don't have a garage-door-opener or a remote-start for either car.
11. It's too cold to run outside therefore I don't exercise therefore I need to buy new pants that I can't afford.
12. Shawn takes a shower just to stand in the hot water. Literally money down the drain.
13. It's too cold to get out of bed in the morning so it's physically painful to get up and go to work.
14. I can't go outside with a wet head so I'm forced to do something with my mane.
15. The Camry, not the Beretta, took two tries to start tonight.
16. I have to wipe off Norman's feet and belly every time he thinks he needs to go to the bathroom.
17. The low air pressure light on the Camry's dashboard won't turn off because it can't live with the tires being near 30.
18. We don't have a snow blower. I heart shoveling.
19. We have to put salt on our sidewalk or the mailman stops delivering mail and starts leaving warnings.
20. You know the expression… cuttin' glass?
What my neighbors patio door looks like after the weather this week.
Footage
After months and months of talking about it, I finally did it. I formatted the portable hard drive I purchased and backed up all my computers. Air five for all the tech geeks out there! Yah! Now, by "all my computers" I mean my dinosaur iMac G3 Graphite I've had since college, my current iMac and stuff I have on my iMac at work; thus compiling almost six days of music and over 3,000 photos. We're talking photos from when I first purchased my camera five years ago.
Now, with my current iMac, iPhoto stores all photos (obviously) and also has a feature similar to what "tagging" someone in a photo on Facebook does. However, iPhoto starts to recognize features and faces and will pull all the photos in your collection and have you verify the people in them. Blah, blah, ginger right? Anyway, after I had tagged myself in as many photos as it could find, I scrolled through the folder it created for me and got to see myself through the last five years. Suffice it to safe my reign as the least photogenic person is still in tact!
I wanted to share some footage I found that is worth reviewing:
Our kitchen… post-purchase, pre-remodel.
One of the obligatory trips to Wisconsin. I'm guessing Shawn wouldn't shut up?
The Jimmy… holding the first annual DeBoer family Christmas tree!
Not sure when this took place. I am sure we look hot.
DeBoer boys at Brad's wedding on Myrtle Beach. I wasn't there to photo-chaperone.
Norman's favorite spot… when he was still allowed on the sofa.
TY-Dizzle – he looks so young!
A strapping young David on his graduation day.
Pawny and Barb at Ryan's wedding. Shawn's "other" mother.
Miss Ainsley Lee… lookin' like a big ole bug.
Again… can't remember her being this little. Do remember that damn Elmo though!
N.O.R.M.A.N.
Velvet ears, he has.
See if you can find the helpless Felix Norman is sitting on in order to keep the toy to himself.
Greatest vacation… greatest photo.
Evidence the camera loves me. Check out my hair. Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful.
Now, with my current iMac, iPhoto stores all photos (obviously) and also has a feature similar to what "tagging" someone in a photo on Facebook does. However, iPhoto starts to recognize features and faces and will pull all the photos in your collection and have you verify the people in them. Blah, blah, ginger right? Anyway, after I had tagged myself in as many photos as it could find, I scrolled through the folder it created for me and got to see myself through the last five years. Suffice it to safe my reign as the least photogenic person is still in tact!
I wanted to share some footage I found that is worth reviewing:
Our kitchen… post-purchase, pre-remodel.
One of the obligatory trips to Wisconsin. I'm guessing Shawn wouldn't shut up?
The Jimmy… holding the first annual DeBoer family Christmas tree!
Not sure when this took place. I am sure we look hot.
DeBoer boys at Brad's wedding on Myrtle Beach. I wasn't there to photo-chaperone.
Norman's favorite spot… when he was still allowed on the sofa.
TY-Dizzle – he looks so young!
A strapping young David on his graduation day.
Pawny and Barb at Ryan's wedding. Shawn's "other" mother.
Miss Ainsley Lee… lookin' like a big ole bug. 
Again… can't remember her being this little. Do remember that damn Elmo though!
N.O.R.M.A.N.
Velvet ears, he has.
See if you can find the helpless Felix Norman is sitting on in order to keep the toy to himself.
Greatest vacation… greatest photo.
Evidence the camera loves me. Check out my hair. Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)