I dropped Maci Mae off at daycare for the very first time this morning. Since then, I tried to unlock my house with the Mazda car key, tried to pay at the grocery store with a business card and drove to my OBGYN's office instead of the chiropractor's office where my appointment really was scheduled this morning. I'm either deathly devoid of sleep, emotionally drained, in denial that my baby is with a stranger (stranger to her that is, not to me – I happen to be in love with Bree, our daycare provider and good friend of mine) or all of the above because I feel like a complete zombie today. With the exception of feeling sick to my stomach last night, no emotions are oozing out yet. I seriously think my body, brain, heart and mind are refusing to process anything that is occurring today. Autopilot is definitely engaged… either that or I'm a terrible mother for the absence of intense feelings and for mildly enjoying the freedom to get a few things done.
Then again, maybe, just maybe I might be an okay mother knowing Maci is safe and sound and in the most loving and capable hands possible and will be just fine upon my return. Huh. Yeah… I like the sounds of that. I'm going with that until the ability to process this returns and I can again put into writing my feelings about the situation, or until I break down into a puddle of tears and Oreo crumbs. Whichever happens first.