Monday, September 12, 2011


I dropped Maci Mae off at daycare for the very first time this morning. Since then, I tried to unlock my house with the Mazda car key, tried to pay at the grocery store with a business card and drove to my OBGYN's office instead of the chiropractor's office where my appointment really was scheduled this morning. I'm either deathly devoid of sleep, emotionally drained, in denial that my baby is with a stranger (stranger to her that is, not to me – I happen to be in love with Bree, our daycare provider and good friend of mine) or all of the above because I feel like a complete zombie today. With the exception of feeling sick to my stomach last night, no emotions are oozing out yet. I seriously think my body, brain, heart and mind are refusing to process anything that is occurring today. Autopilot is definitely engaged… either that or I'm a terrible mother for the absence of intense feelings and for mildly enjoying the freedom to get a few things done.

Then again, maybe, just maybe I might be an okay mother knowing Maci is safe and sound and in the most loving and capable hands possible and will be just fine upon my return. Huh. Yeah… I like the sounds of that. I'm going with that until the ability to process this returns and I can again put into writing my feelings about the situation, or until I break down into a puddle of tears and Oreo crumbs. Whichever happens first.


  1. Everytime I leave Lexi with someone and am able to do something by myself, I rejoice! I love every minute of it, even if it's just going to the doctor or something else mundane. I love my daughter to death, but time away is good for all.

  2. At ease woman. I have done so many things that are similar (4kids ya know) that I can't remember them all. Probably because it was just better to block it out. :-p


  3. Yeah, you're an okay mother. I know this because of how you reacted to dropping Maci DeBoer off at daycare. And because I know you.

    Just wait a year when she doesn't want to come home from daycare!

  4. Jordan :: I hear that all the time lately! "Wait until your kid wants to be at daycare more then home!" I fully expect this someday as Bree is AWESOME.



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