So I've been hemming and hawing over whether or not to continue this blog. If hemming sits on the side of continuing, hawing has definitely been winning out. This is probably pretty apparent seeings as my posts have been few and far between. I can blame much for my absence: Team DeBoer being down with the sickness, a difficult pregnancy, a 9pm bedtime, my nagging need for posts to be perfect prior to posting … but basically, it's been my general lack of time, ambition or motivation. If I've mustered any "free" time lately, all I've wanted to do is sit down and watch TV. And by that I mean watch one of two television shows I pay attention to: The Amazing Race and The Daily Show. Every other minute of my day has been spent sleeping, working, looking after Maci, spending time with Shawn, ignoring Norman, baby-prepping, budgeting, reading, cooking, cleaning, bathing and carrying around way too much weight. Being overwhelmed with what is every day, blogging got put on the back burner. Something more important, pertinent or necessary always came up.
But then … something happened.
I discovered this little widget called, "Popular Posts." I applied it to my blog layout and up populated a post called Grandpa Miller. A couple others that followed closely were entitled Cletus (ironically one's about the first, the other's about the sequel). Still others read Challenge, Stories and Question. Even random posts titled Touchdown, Soda and Chicago appeared. Last but not least, there was a photo montage of the Mae Meister. As I reread these entries I quickly remembered why I ever bothered with this whole blogging thing in the first place: I want to remember. Things are worth recording and you know what, I'm a pretty damn good writer, and entertaining at that. I found myself chuckling out loud at my own work. I found myself tearing up, smiling, furrowing my brow and admiring my photos. I found myself hemming again.
Then, as if to compound my mere efforts to make memories a permanent part of written history, I had two people approach me in the same week asking about my issues with anxiety. It could have been a crazy coincidence or it could have been that others were grateful for my openness and honesty regarding somewhat personal or taboo topics. Others related to what I was saying and found enough comfort in my approach to ask me more about it. Sometimes I may say too much making people feel nothing but uncomfortable but other times, I unintentionally make myself an advocate. Again I remember. I remember back to what it feels like to be in the middle of your own crazy and nothing makes you feel better then learning you're not alone and that someone else knows what you're going through. Misery may love company but company is necessary to deal with misery. Thus, my hemming grew.
The last straw, we traded in my 24-inch iMac for a 15-inch MacBook Pro. Gone are the days of hibernating in the back guest room freezing my ass off to write a post. Nothing deters blogging like frigid fingers and an icicle ass. It turns out, a gas fireplace in the dead middle of a brutally long Minnesota winter can silence all hawing and once again, blogs can be written.
So here I sit, posting another blog. Vowing to renew my efforts to keep up with this hobby of mine. And I've got a doozy of a follow up post for ya … in TMI tradition, I will be elaborating on this pregnancy. If you are squeamish, shy or male, don't say I didn't warn you.