It's time. I have reached by rock bottom.
Hello. My name is Kali and I'm a caffeineaholic. My addiction began in high school. Someone once offered me a pop and I took it. I didn't so much as ask what was in it. I just drank it. We didn't have pop at my house. Dad made us drink milk. I fell in love with this new beverage. I had to have more of it. I wanted pop all the time. I would drive to Casey's in the morning to buy a pop after practice. I would steal and scrounge for coins to fill the vending machine so I could get a fix midday. Although I dabbled in multiple forms, Pepsi was my flavor of choice.
I was able to subside this addiction after college. I switched to Diet Dr. Pepper, never really ready to give up pop or caffeine entirely or cold turkey. Although I tried. When I felt motivated, I could go a day or two without a pop. But the headaches were relentless and mind numbing and I couldn't surpass them. I gave in and went back. The addiction won again.
Now, I'm heading towards 30. I'm ready for a change. I don't think that I can give up pop. I like the taste too much. I must give up caffeine though. I've been buying caffeine free DDP for a while now. Due to my horrendous work schedule though, I've been binge drinking Pepsi for a week. I stumble on dollars daily to make my deposit in the machine. Yesterday, I had two 20oz Pepsis. This is when my stumbling downhill began.
I went home, ate supper, had another DDP and then headed off to yoga. C2, heated to 100 degrees for an hour, yoga. It was amazing. I was breathing and stretching and holding and releasing and sweating and sweating and sweating. About halfway through, I started to get a pain in the top of my head. It would come and go depending on the posture. It was weak at first but by the time we were winding down, it was a full fledged tornado in my head. Every time I moved, an invisible hammer would hold no mercy as it pounded behind my eyes. I don't know how but I made it through class. I made it out the door and into my car. That's when I started to feel sick. I rolled down the windows and rested my head back for a few minutes. I knew what was happening. I had been here before. I was dehydrated. The only other time I had been dehydrated this bad, I ended up fainting at a Howie Day concert and spending the rest of the night in the ambulance. At this point again, I was thankful to be sitting down.
I chugged back two bottles full of water and made it to a gas station by our house. I was after some electrolytes. With some water and Gatorade now seeping into my system, the throbbing was subsiding. I had calmed my nausea enough to take a shower. I had managed to relax enough so I could crawl into bed for the night, but not before I made a promise to myself. I would really TRY and give up caffeine. Not on Monday, not after I'm done working mandatory overtime, but now. Caffeine leads to dehydration. When I drink pop, I'm not drinking water. Then when I get to yoga and sweat off my weight in water, I'm left with nothing in the tank. My reserves are empty and instead, I'm rewarded with a migraine.
Doing a quick search on Wikipedia, I found that caffeine also leads to reflux disease (which I've had), insomnia (which I've had), headaches (which I've had) and even anxiety with obsessive compulsive tendencies when caffeine is taken in large amounts. Hello! Have we met? This all might sound extremist but maybe that's what I need. Maybe I need to be scared. I need to remember how I felt last night when I want a pop so bad I can taste it. I need to remember the urge to want to throw up when I get the urge to visit the vending machine. I need to envision the hammer to my head when I'm so tired at work all I need is a quick fix.
I need help. I know that now. I need to give it up. I'm not ubberly confident at this point beings that it's Friday and I have 10 hours of work ahead of me, but I'm going to try. That's all I can do is try. I've acknowledged my problem, publicly and I'm moving forward.