Friday, July 8, 2011


Or, random conclusions from a prego brain.

1. An at-home-husband is like Xanax for the OCD mind and spandex for the pregnant soul.
I have never loved it more then this month that Shawn is a teacher. A teacher with the summers off. A teacher who likes to keep himself busy in order to feel productive. He's like silly puddy in my swollen hands. I mean that in the greatest way possible. He doesn't always do things willingly or with his dimpled smile, but he always does them and his help has meant more to me then every single Oreo I ate these past nine months. From cleaning the bathroom to calling pediatricians to finding two new cars to job searching to dog washing to lawn mowing to nursery decorating to feet rubbing. Shawn has been my savior. I'm not sure he's handled my hormones, mood swings and insecurities with as much grace as the chores, but I'll take it because let's face it, personal hygiene is a daunting task for me let alone trying to do anything else. Therefore I'm grateful for nothing more then a marked check box on my never-ending to-do list.

2. Trying to get men to go to the doctor is like trying to find meaning in a Will Ferrell movie.
It's impossible. It's ridiculous. It's a waste of time. Above all, it's frustrating as HELL. I go to the doctor. I get my eyes checked yearly and my teeth cleaned every six months. I lay in those stirrups and scoot all the way to the end of the table like every other obeying, self-conscious female out there. Why is it so tough to get my husband to do the same, minus the stirrups but with a little coughing? Case in point: his eyes are terrible. Terrible. As in he barely passed his sight test to renew his driver's license. They are constantly red, cause him pain and are starting to give him headaches. All this and he has yet to visit the eye doctor. Why? I want one good reason why not? They might make him wear contacts? They might make him feel better? It's not because they cost money because he's got the Cadillac of insurances right now. Blog followers: Get. On. Him. "Sick balls, Chopper!"

3. Asking a pregnant woman to wait three to five more weeks to give birth is like asking the MN government to agree on a budget.
It will eventually happen. It will try the patience of everyone around. It will be painful but it will be worth it in the end. I'm officially ready to have this baby. Clarification: I'm officially ready to not be pregnant anymore but not sure I'm officially ready to be a parent. My curiosity has heightened about what Cletus looks like, will act like, will sleep like, will behave like. Being a very active fetus only makes me think we're in for a rude awakening. I see sleepless weeks, screaming tantrums, barking dogs and uncontrollable anxiety in my near future. I worry Cletus will come out with three legs, two heads, 18 toes and teeth. I worry something will be seriously wrong with Cletus' health. I worry something will go seriously wrong during the delivery. What can I say, I'm an expect-the-worst-but-hope-for-the-best kinda gal. I'm near the end therefore I worry. I realize all this is beyond my control and Team DeBoer will adapt to whatever happens, but it's the waiting and not knowing and anticipation that's slaying me these days. Above all, I'm fascinated at the fact that Shawn and I have created something and that something could enter the world any day now. May I have the patience to endure the challenge, may Shawn keep his humor at 3:47am, may the dogs warm Cletus to the pack with open paws and a good lick and above all, may Cletus be healthy, happy and under eight pounds.


  1. For # 2- I totally agree. Ryan has not seen the dentist since he was 18. It gets very old nagging but that is what we got married for, right?
    For #3- all mom's feel exactly the way that you are feeling right now. so many things to worry and think about. Good luck to you for your under 8 pound baby! =]

  2. Perfect! Shawn is amazing and what a great tribute for all his support AND understanding. I loved the MN shutdown analogy. Living away from home but being a citizen all I want to do is renew my car tags before they expire. However, it is all shut-down! I hope you deliver Cletus happy and healthy -- you and Shawn and "de boys" will make a great welcome to any baby. Hang in there!

  3. Oh Kali it does not get any better. Trust me after 52 years.

  4. I love what you said about guys going to the doctor. Thankfully, Paul is GREAT about the dentist (he has had no cavities and he doesn't even floss!! how frustrating is that?) and the eye doctor. But the regular doctor when he is sick and whining and acting like a baby....heaven forbid! BTW, doesn't matter how much your baby weighs, just pray it has a small head!!

  5. 2. Doctor's are stupid. Hold out Shawn. Hold out.

    3. Kelli went 10 days late. Just sayin'... The worries are normal but go away the instant you step through the hospital doors. At least in my case they did. There's too much going on to worry once you're there. So worry all you want these next days.

    Cletus will be fine. Your bedtime time of 8:00pm will surely change (maybe you'll answer your damn phone then), but Cletus will be fine. He/she (although I personally think it's a HE) may have teeth. Be prepared. I've heard that runs in the family tree...

  6. BTW, I haven't been to a dentist in two years. I clean my own teeth. That's what toothbrushes are for.

  7. Kate: Ryan+Shawn=kindred spirits

    Penny: I figured if I buttered Shawn up, he'd be more willing to visit the ole doc…

    Gma: You deserve a medal… and some money!

    Jeri: Good point about the head although I think we're doomed either way.

    Mr. H: I pitty the day you do actually go to the dentist. You'll find out how much your toothbrush has been missing all these years.

    All: Why do men pay for insurance if they're not going to use it?? The battle continues…



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