Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Revelation

Readers beware, things are about to get graphic.

I'm trying to take this pregnancy thing in stride. I realize there is a learning curve but have mercy, things have quickly taken an awkward turn. I have unidentifiable alien parts moving around in my belly at all times. I no longer enjoy going to bed at night because it just means I'll have to get up to pee at least four times and have just as many pillows to help support my widening parts. I fear stairs. Frankly, they just piss me off because I have to usually stop halfway up the flight to catch my breath and steady my feet. My wardrobe is limited to about five total ensembles, none of which are mine (God bless Sara). I'm currently still wearing my own skeevies but it's about time to buy me some big girl underwear. Then there's the heartburn. I was surprised when I hadn't been experiencing any because I'm a chronic sufferer when not carrying Cletus so naturally I thought things would at least continue as is or if not get worse. However, I was sailing through. Sailing like Bill Murry in What About Bob. Then all of a sudden, bam! Someone lit a blow torch to my chest and throat and now I covet Tums like crystal meth candy. That coupled with the nice cold and cough I have right now and I want nothing more then to eat ice cream all day just so I can down the hatch with something cold. None of these are so called "minor" offenses in my eyes, but none, absolutely none, compare to the debacle I experienced yesterday.

Yesterday, I peed my pants. Literally. I knew I had to go because I always have to go. I pee like 634 times a day. I can finish going to the bathroom, stand up and instantly feel like I have to go again. It's that chronic in this my 32nd week of pregnancy. I say all this because I should've known better. I felt the urge and apparently ignored it out of rebellion, spite or just plain laziness. I was doing fine, I was surviving, and then... I sneezed. Holy hoo ha - I lost all control. By the time I realized what had happened, I was feeling a trickle down my leg and sprinting to the bathroom. I was immediately mortified but quickly came to laugh at the situation and as soon as I had changed my soiled pants, I ran to tell Shawn. Because that's the kinda marriage we have...

I had heard this was a prego problem but assumed it wouldn't happen to me until after the wee one was born. What fun finding out how wrong I was. What an astonishing revelation it was to actually lose control of a part of my body. If only those Pampers I had weren't newborn size...

7 comments:

  1. love it! sneezing does not get easier either :)

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  2. Oh honey...that is just the beginning of wetting yourself silly! Didn't I warn you? Thank goodness you can laugh about it hee hee, I just pee'd! Debbers

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  3. this is wonderful -- sorry you are going through it but glad you are taking it in stride because soon you will be holding Cletus.

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  4. that's one of the things we love about you-telling it like it is!! We laugh only because now we have affirmation that we are normal too! Now that I'm 50-something, I'm normal! It will soon go south from here!!

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  5. I had that horrible heartburn, too. It was like fire in my chest. My doc and OB/GYN gave me a go ahead for some Pepcid A/C and it was like water to a stranded person in the desert. I also added yet another pillow under my head/shoulders. If you want to try that, make sure it's not just your head, but your upper body as well. Also, if Shawn will let you, ramp up the upper portion of the mattress, that is sometimes easier than all the extra pillows. Don't worry, it all goes away after the baby is born, well all except the peeing part. Sorry :)

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  6. Well its just the begining bot worth it when you hold the baby[boy] love you guys

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  7. Granny: WHAT? Now you think it's a boy? I always thought you were on the girl side... I can't keep track of everyone's predictions! See… it IS fun to keep it a surprise!

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