Genes

Obviously, I'm not going to talk about those of the denim kind. I'm actually not even going to talk about real genetics. I'm going to talk about a made-up gene. It's a gene I possess, but Shawn does not. I'm referring to the ever powerful, ever popular, (pardon the language) "f*ck it!" gene. It's the gene that allows a person, no matter the length of their to-do list or roll of responsibilities, to just drop everything and do something they want to do or better yet, to do absolutely nothing at all.

As I eluded to, I have this very gene. I believe I've come to possess it later in life, however, because I vividly remember Michelle, my college roommate, telling me on a number of occasions to "f*ck it!" and me not being able to for a plethora of reasons. Of course whenever she suggested it, it usually pertained to school work and, ummmm, how do I say this… she wasn't necessarily as academic as I? She would probably say she wasn't as big of a nerd as I was so whichever way you want to slice it, you get the point. I couldn't say screw it to my studies. Whatever the reason, I forged on with what needed to be done as opposed to what I wanted to get done. And sure, I thought about playing hookie on an occasional Saturday as opposed to working for ten hours but I didn't. Ever. What I'm trying to say is, I can't remember ever activating this gene in college.

Now? Presently I can call this gene to duty at the sound of a light sprinkle, the end of a stressful day, the middle of a lazy weekend or just when I'm taking a walk with a friend. I have no problem watching a movie instead of cleaning, enjoying a lovely brew with comrades to vent about work instead of going straight to bed, taking a nap in the middle of the day even though I slept until Noon or enjoying a couple of Oreos whilst I try and walk my dogs, instead of actually burning calories. I know recent events have polished off my real priorities so it's easier to do things I want to do as opposed to things I feel I need to do, but it's more then that. I know this because Shawn went through the exact same events and still, he does not possess this gene.

I often kid with him that we've morphed into each other's former self. In other words, I'm slowly fading to type B (with the exception of a few OCD tendencies) and he's morphing to type A, thanks largely in part to his educational responsibilities. Maybe that's why he does not possess this gene. Maybe because he's always wanting to practice what he preaches? Maybe because he can't justify a nap when there's always homework to be done. Maybe because he only eats discretionary calories on the weekends so it's pointless to think about them any other time, no matter his stress level, because let's face it, the man teaches health. We'll just have to wait for him to weigh in. The important thing to learn from Shawn is that the arch enemy to the "f*ck it!" gene is self control or self discipline. I'm not venturing to say which is better or more accurate but merely pointing out they are opposites. I would say I'm capable of  dropping everything and doing something relaxing and Shawn would say he's got enough self control to skip dessert.

Ironically, it's surprising any woman would possess the "f*ck it!" gene. Why? Because women never shut their minds off. **Men Read: Women never shut up.** Think of the rolling credits after a movie. That's what a woman's mind is like. All day. Every day. Without end. On my recent trip to Virginia, I put my book away on my flight home and tried to just listen to music, relax and blank everything else out. Instead, I nearly filled my entire notepad on my iPod with thoughts, ideas, to-dos, to-buys, tweedle-dee-de and everything in between. It was absurd. I could feel my stress level rising as I typed and thought and typed and thought and immediately, I needed Lysine (the vitamin that prevents cold sores).

I don't know that irony is the right label because it seems I'm able to choose when I say screw it to everything, yet, I build on my lists as if they're my life raft. I have a constant stream of thoughts at all times, yet, for the right mood, time or purpose, I can and will say "f*ck it!" Is it mood swings? My emotions? A wave of realization to what really matters? My lack of self control or self discipline? Or is it that I am an extremely healthy human being because I can and choose to do both and therefore my life is more holistic? Is it even healthy to let everything go for a while if remorse for wasted time will inevitably follow? Does it really just all boil down to perspective? Is it sad that as I type this, I now I should really be packing?