Tuesday, February 23, 2010


Why is everyone so concerned with Shawn and I having kids. Or more specifically, when we're having kids. I want to know. I need an answer because in my opinion, this is THE most personal question you can ask a couple and it seems like it's just flying from everyone's mouths. Fellow moms, non-moms, coworkers, family, friends, strangers… Are people expecting us to respond, "Well we're going to conceive our child April 25 so that it will be born December 25." Someone can check that math for me.

In an effort to inhibit myself from becoming immediately annoyed, I've chosen to instead, take a poll. This seemed like a better option then just telling people I'm sterile. I want to know why it's imperative that people ask us, "Soooooooo, when are you having kids?" I've listed about all the options below I can think of. Pick one. Respond. Write your own. I don't care, I need results. This is an honest, non-cynical, non-judgmental, impartial, bipartisan survey. Help me understand.

List of possible reasons:
- Shawn and I are so good-looking, we must pass these beautiful genes on.
- We'll make great parents and people want to see us fulfill that potential.
- Fellow parents want fresh blood to commiserate with.
- It's merely a conversation piece.
- Everyone loves babies and just wants to see and hold and receive photos of another baby.
- People want Norman to have another buddy.
- I haven't fulfilled my womanly obligation until I've birthed a child.
- People want us to grow up by being solely responsible for another human being.
- People want to see me fat.
- We have too much money and need something new to spend it on.
- Family want us to experience the love that comes with children.
- Those who have children want to be able to relate to us.
- It's the logical next step in a life plan.
- We're not getting any younger and people don't want to see us miss our chance.
- People are bored with us and our ways and want something to dice it up.
- People just want to get a rise out of us.
- The DeBoer name is in jeopardy of extinction.
- It's just expected that someone of my age would want to have kids.
- Parents want someone to take all their hand-me-downs.
- People want their life decisions justified.

Have I missed any? How many people are secretly wondering if I am in fact sterile?


  1. Have I asked when? I hope not unless maybe it was in response to your ranting. lol I know I've asked if you would want some of our stuff but that's just because I would want it to go to you first. Me, I would enjoy someone to commiserate (sp) with or join in the joys of parenting. Also, I want more babies to hold but in no way, shape, or form am I having more of my own. :p

  2. I say hold off...kids bring a whole new level of stress to life. If you don't want them now, don't have them. It needs to be your choice!! :) I'm not saying it's not enjoyable...by all means if you want to procreate, go for it. I'm just saying don't do it because of peer pressure :)

  3. I agree with your rant. Sheena and I keep getting the, when are you guys going to get married" on top of "when are you guys going to have kids?" I am perfectly content with having dogs instead of kids. You have all the companionship without the expense of having to clothe them and send them to college. Stay strong Team DeBoer. You have my support in staying childless.

  4. I say screw them and say, "It's none of your business, thank you". I wouldn't wish the fatness on anyone. I love my child to death, but if you love your life right now and don't want it to change then don't.

  5. I would guess people just want to make conversation, but I do agree it's a little personal. Having said that, I find it interesting to have gone past the point of people asking "when" and have now started noticing the subject seems to be avoided on some cases. While I have no proof (suppose I should do a blog poll), I wonder if people are wondering if infertility is an issue and are attempting to avoid a sensative topic?

  6. Just tell anyone else who asks, "I'm flattered by your interest in my personal life, but baffled as to why you care so much."

  7. So . . .

    . . . When ARE you and Shawn going to have kids?

  8. Gossip. They need a topic of conversation with other people. "I asked Kali DeBoer when she was going to have babies and she paused before she said "go F yourself". Does that pause mean she's already pregnant?"

  9. Dear cousins,

    As someone who USED to get the "So, when are you getting married?" question (in many forms mind you...dating anyone? who was that dashing guy I saw you with...anything "serious" or "New" in your life?", I must say it was tiring. As if my getting married was a huge federal issue (longing to sit on a supreme court, I must use 'federal' at least once every 10 minutes -- I think its a rite of passage but I digress.) Whether I wanted to marry someone was really my decision. Whether you want children is ya'lls decision. I think out of all of this I'd say "being asked the really personnal/stupid/painful (insert any word of your choice here) question does only one thing for YOU AND SHAWN...it makes you aware that there are probably things you two will never ask another person or couple."

    Have kids. Don't have kids. Get another dog. Don't get another dog. Plant 100 tulips in your back yard or not. Just don't stop being twinkie fans. I'm just sayin...love ya miss ya yadda yadda yadda. P.S. your summer bed was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO comfy -- TALL, but comfy! Grazi

  10. Vashni and I have never asked, but as you may notice, we got married in 1989 and our first child was not born until 2000. In fact, in my humble opinion, it looks like the two of you are doing just fine: enjoying each other's company, traveling, developing careers, etc., etc. While I do sometimes wonder about OUR timing (we have a nine-, a seven, and a five-year-old while many of my contemporaries are now empty nesters and free to move about the planet), I'm generally happy we waited to have kids.

    You do your thing as you wish and when you wish. Be happy, enjoy life, be yourselves. Oh, and think of four or five snappy but good-humored responses to the question, "When are you going to have kids?" Plus, you have Norman, right? we had Asia and Dante before the kids came along, and a cat, Shadow.

  11. I sooo enjoy reading your rants and this is just another wonderful example of honesty in the written word! What we sometimes find difficult to express out loud to others, we can journal about! I offer no other comment than enjoy the world around you in whatever way suits you! Sometimes I wonder why we didn't "empty nest" in our earlier years...:) Love you both as you are!!

  12. Oh Kiddo, don't have kiddos until you're darn good and ready! Tell em all to stick that question with all those other stupid questions like "You really weight THAT much?" or "Are you seriously pregnant again?" or my favorite question of the week, "Who are you dating now?" ~ double d



You might also like: