Wednesday, March 13, 2013


This post is chopped full of TMI. Don't say I didn't warn you.

In my Discourse post, I loosely described my pregnancy as difficult. In hindsight, that wasn't exactly … accurate. I'm not having complications, I'm not on bed rest, I do not have preeclampsia, gestational diabetes or placenta previa, and for all intents and purposes, Cletus is healthy, growing and kung-fo-fighting. And it's just Celtus; no twins, no triplets, no multiples. It goes without saying that for all of the above, I am very thankful. The sheer miracle of conceiving and growing a human being is not lost on me albeit it does remain hard to wrap my head around sometimes. It's an indescribable adventure unlike any other and one I am forever grateful I was able to experience.

All that being said, pregnancy is not pretty. At least not for me.

I am the poster child of pain and fatigue, of stretchy pants and stretchy marks. Aside from completely different food cravings (and aversions), I would describe Pregnancy Part II as identical to, but much more intense, than Pregnancy Part I. I'm having all the same side effects and issues, just much sooner, much worse and much, much more painful. I am a walking, talking science experiment and I long for the day I have my body back.

Aside from the intense fatigue (which is partially due to my recently-discovered iron-deficiency), there's of course the fierce heart burn, strong hip and lower back pain and many, many a sleeping problem. For most of this, at least for the pain anyway, I blame Maci. Being pregnant with a very active toddler at home makes pregnancy a horse of a completely different color. Everything that ails you is magnified and there's often no rest for the weary. Luckily, I have a very helpful husband who takes a brunt of the grunt work but if I at all want to be involved in the Mae Monster's life right now, resting is not an option.

When it comes down to it though, nothing, NOTHING compares to the biggest problem of them all. The mother of all my pregnancy complaints. The real reason for this post. Brace yourself while I try to put this … delicately. Veins. I suffer from varicose veins (…she declares, right arm raised, head held in shame). The words alone make me gag so I apologize for the crudeness but someone has got to educate others about this subject because I had no idea the extent to which one person can suffer. I'm going to let define them for you:

"Varicose veins are swollen veins that may bulge near the surface of the skin. These blue or purple, sometimes squiggly veins are most likely to show up in your legs, though you may also get them in your vulva or elsewhere. (In fact, hemorrhoids are really just varicose veins of the rectal area.)"

Mm-hm. "… bulge … blue or purple … squiggly … vulva … hemorrhoids." Check, check, check, check, check. They are the most irritating, unattractive and painful part of my pregnancy. And they basically occupy the entire left side of my trunk. The ENTIRE left side. So-much-so that I have resorted to purchasing and dawning what can only be described as the female version of a jock, just for the support and pain relief it brings. Mrs. Hotty-tot I am not.

(Moment of silence for my poor, poor husband.)

It turns out varicose veins are hereditary, they do not affect labor and delivery and chances are they will improve after pregnancy. Still, they're a bitch. And I hate them. Oh and you will never ever see me in a pair of shorts or a skirt again. Oh yeah, I never wore them anyway. HA! And you thought I never looked on the bright side of things!

Anyway, now that we got that out of the way … I'd like to end with a little story. I was in the bathroom the other day, peeing for probably the sixth time and once I was finished, I wiped, redressed and stood up. Immediately I undressed, sat back down and peed again.

The end. Unless … maybe you'd also like to share your pregnancy experiences, wisdom and woes? What if I offer you chocolate? I'm easily persuaded by chocolate. Or cadbury eggs. Or Pepsi. I digress. I'm off to the bathroom …


  1. Oh dear sister, welcome to the club! The kind that no one tells you about and the one you'd run from at the first mention of the nitty gritty details. Sorry, thought I told you about the veins. My bad. Or not. Maybe your preggo brain just kicked in and forgot. They say that's a blessing, you'll forget some things you've gone through. Hahaha! Some I didn't but it was all worth it. Just wait until the third comes along! ;-) Yes, I do believe I am funny.

    1. I am actually looking forward to a little forgetfulness post-pregnancy, specifically regarding the pain and fatigue. And hahahaha … hahaha … ha, ha… ha. You are, in fact, NOT funny.

  2. My midwife told me you feel all the aches and pains MORE and SOONER with the second pregnancy. Every time I go from sitting to standing I feel as if my belly is being ripped in half (and I don't even have a belly yet!). I'm so glad you post this, I feel as if you are on my side. I hate pregnancy. I have a friend who loves it and I look at her as if she is NUTSO! I HATE being pregnant. So much so that when Paul and I were trying to get pregnant I looked at him with all seriousness and said, "We should just get a surrogate, I know someone who would do it!" - said person would be the friend who just LOVES being pregnant. -gag-
    OH! speaking of gagging. Every time I have a cough, I gag and sometimes throw nausea whatsoever...just the cough, gag, sometimes throw up. booo pregnancy!

    1. CONGRATULATIONS! Welcome to the second-time-around club! Shawn's told me on more then one occasion he should record me this pregnancy in the case that I ever speak of being pregnant again. He also continues to say something to the affect of, "…I don't remember you complaining this much with Maci." Yeah, "more" and "sooner" and "worse" describe it. And oh yeah, the gagging! I remember in the beginning when brushing my teeth was difficult! Then when I had my fabulous cold last month, the coughing was so bad, gagging again ensued. Soooo attractive I am!

  3. I love when people actually tell the truth about pregnancy, and the truth about having a toddler while being pregnant! I wish I would have recorded the pains of pregnancy as well, but I did not and all I can remember is, I felt like child #2 was going to fall out of me while walking. So, I resorted to the fashionable belly support band, which I preferred to wear on the OUTSIDE of my clothing for comfort reasons.Could be considered the jock strap for your belly! ;)

    1. A belly jock is hot and don't let anyone tell you different! I had to share because I had NO idea you could get vv … down there. So painful. SO PAINFUL. And scary if you have no idea what's going on! It's the things people don't talk about that should be shared the most. It's not as if you choose what happens and therefore s/b embarrassed. There may be people out there that have blissfully beautiful pregnancies, full of nothing but positives … I am just not one of those people. Shocking, I know. ;)

  4. Just wait!! Fast forward 30 years!!! You think you have your body back! Fat chance!! Then the uterus, bladder etc. etc. FALL!! Prolapse they call it! HA fancy smancy words! You pee when you cough, laugh, hiccup whatever! THEN they tell you it's time for a hysterctomy because your uterus could fall out (literally!!!) while you're walking!LOVELY!!! Something to look forward too ladies! Although after the surgery you can wear white pants WHENEVER you want!!! Come to think of it that is SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO!!
    Just remember the pregnancy stuff will pass and you will be holding a beautiful baby!!! You can do this Kali!!! I know how tough you are!!

    1. The fun never ends! Awesome. Now we know though! See, it's all about sharing AND I learned a new word today … prolapse. I'm going to use it in a sentence: When I'm done nursing, I will experience a breast prolapse. Haha! My week is now complete.



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